Concentrating on work today is difficult. Who is to blame?
You guessed it: Reba McEntire
I’m fresh off seeing Reba at Chastain Park last night, and as anyone who loves Reba can tell you, it’s difficult to get her out of your mind. I try to focus on work, but with each blink, my brain serves up high-def flashbacks of her two-stepping across the stage, index finger pointed skyward, belting "and Fancy was my name!"
What makes Reba so special? Got me. It’s one of those questions I’m going to ask Dolly Parton the next time I have one of my Dolly Parton dreams. Wait – you don’t have Dolly Parton dreams? I’m sorry to hear that.
During the show, Reba and I make eye contact no less than a dozen times. Not casual glances—she POINTS DIRECTLY AT ME and smiles. The kind of smile that says, "I see you, whacko superfan!" I'm stunned and thrilled by the attention she lavishes on me. Does she need a new BFF? Someone to grab a post-show meal with and discuss the trials of being a country legend? A new tour bus driver?
Truth be told Reba spots me because I’m the only person within a fifty person radius who is unapologetically belting out EVERY word to EVERY song. Couple that with my train wreck seat-dancing… it must be difficult for Reba to ignore such a scene.
I catch a woman two seats down gawking at me with an expression usually reserved for witnessing public intoxication. I smile back knowingly, understanding how extraordinary it must be to witness someone with my level of unhinged commitment to seat-dancing and volume-inappropriate singing for 2 solid hours. You're welcome for the bonus entertainment, ma'am.
Most people know about my fascination with Tanya Tucker. Although equal in entertainment value, there's a strong distinction between these queens of country music. Reba sings about being tempted by a married man, while Tanya sings about actually porking and destroying a married man's entire life–marriage, career, pension plan and kids college funds.
That said, for those of you unfamiliar with Reba’s music, I’ll be the first to admit it’s still a holy mess of lyin’, cheatin’ and broken hearts mayhem. By the end of her show you've emotionally inhabited every character in a country-ass soap opera—the scorned wife, the woman waiting on a proposal, a single mom stayin' strong, and finally the daughter of a white trash momma who's recruited you to be a high-class prostitute. The combined drama and heartache of Reba's songs contain enough emotional trauma to keep a million therapists in business until Christ’s next coming.
Here’s just a sampling:
Whoever’s in New England - Woman tells her husband "When you’re done porking that whore in New England, my country ass will still be here waitin fer ya."
Little Rock - Rich wife dumps money-hungry husband because she’s not getting laid. "…All that don’t mean nuthin’ when you can’t get a good night’s lovin’."
Walk On - This is a classic "get over yourself" anthem. Experiencing a devastating breakup? Take Reba’s tart advice "don’t just stand there in the storm, walk toward the light til you find the sun, you’ll be better off in the long run." Not wrong.
Fancy - Poor country momma encourages daughter to become a hooker declaring "here’s your one chance Fancy don’t let me down." Fancy executes on Momma’s plan and proudly states "I haven’t had to worry ’bout nothin for now on 15 years…" Quite the upgrade from that roach crawling across the toe of her high-heeled shoe!
One Promise Too Late - Horny young woman marries young “because her heart just couldn’t wait,” then regrets this decision when she meets her true love. She then attacks her true love asking “where were you when I could have loved you?” and laments he showed up “one promise too late.”
Consider Me Gone - Sassy southern woman confronts creepin’, emotionally unavailable husband saying “if i’m not the one thing you can’t stand to lose” consider me gone, biiitch!
Does He Love You - (Duet with Linda Davis) A wife and mistress get into a duet-cat-fight, repetitively asking each other “Does he love you?” in an effort to reveal who’s getting the better night’s lovin’.
Even in her 50’s, Reba’s dance moves are electrifying. How someone can pull off these Broadway-like, flight attendant-esque arm movements while scooting around in a pair of boots & blue jeans is beyond my comprehension. But she somehow pulls it off – her assembly of dramatic arm throwing includes:
Arms to the side – as if firing lightning bolts from her fingertips
Two arms straight to the sky – as if connecting directly with Christ for a heavenly high-five
One arm swinging back and towards the audience – as if throwing a perfect strike down the bowling lane
Age has slightly mellowed Reba’s show length and wardrobe changes. When I saw her in 1995 she changed an energetic 8 times and served up 2 solid hours of non-stop deep-fried theatrics. That said, I wasn’t disappointed. In fact, I can say for certain if Reba and I ever run in the same circles she’ll certainly be vying for my top BFF spot (after Dolly of course).
Share this post